R: Charlie is pretty much having to look up words and things he doesn't remember. He's acting pretty calm in this quote, and just doing what he has to for himself. I'm guessing he's feeling pretty bad, just not saying it. His main problem is him now having a pattern of forgetting the last things he's learned. Charlies already come to the realization that he is having a loss of memory. That's what the author has revealed in this passage from the book.
"Fay has a new boy friend. I went home last night to be with her. I went to my room first to get a bottle and then headed over on the fire escape. But fortunately I looked before going in. They were together on the couch. Strange, I don't really care. It's almost a relief." Page 166
R: Charlie was gonna go to Fay, until he saw her with another man. He doesn't really care about that for some reason. He's feeling fine about, and not taking it to heart. This doesn't seem to be a big problem to him or any hardship. The authors revealed Charlies change of feeling towards Fay.
"I had dreamed of a time like this, but now that it was here, what good was it? I couldn't tell her what was going to happen to me. And yet, could I ask her affection on false pretenses? Why kid myself ? If I had still been the old, feebleminded, independent Charlie, she wouldn't have spoken to me the same way. So what right did I have to it now? My mask would soon be ripped away." Page 191
R: Charlies finally come to visit his mother, and his sister has come. He couldn't come to terms with telling his sister he'll be turning autistic again. He doesn't think he needs to tell her, as he's just seen her after such a long time. He's realized that if he had come to her as he was before this surgery, she'd never speak to him the same way. The author is trying to show that Charlies slowly becoming his old self.
"I was seeing myself as I had really become: Nemur had said it. I was an arrogant, self-centered bastard. Unlike Charlie, I was incapable of making friends or thinking about other people and their problems. I was interested in myself, and myself only. For one long moment in that mirror I had seen myself through Charlies eyes- looked down at myself and saw what I hard really become. And I was ashamed." Page 176
R: Charlies seeing himself as how he's really become now. Everything Nemur has said about him, he's now realizing it's true. The problem with Charlie is his smarter self, it's turned himself into a self entered and arrogant guy. This Charlie can't even make friends like the old Charlie did. The authors shown that there are two people within Charlie, his intelligent self and autistic self.
"I'm going to Marks Street to visit my mother tomorrow. A dream last night triggered off a sequence of memories, lit up a whole slice of the past and the important thing is to get done on paper quickly before I forget it because I seem to forget things sooner now. It has to do with my mother, and now more than ever I want to understand her, to know what she was like and why she acted the way she did. I mustn't hate her. I've got to come to terms with her before I see her so that I won't act harshly or foolishly." Page 180
R: Charlies getting ready to finally see his mother after over ten years. He's preparing himself for this important moment of his life. He's not remembering things, so now has to quickly write it on paper. He's finally got himself to come to terms with his mother. This shows the progress he's made with himself to take the strength and do this.
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